


Just An Instinct

by briwookie



Category: South Park
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Love/Hate, M/M, my favorite kinds of tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-18 12:05:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8161510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/briwookie/pseuds/briwookie
Summary: Once again, it seems as though Eric Cartman can't get his fatass out of detention. However, this time, it might be for just the right reasons. (Kyle/Cartman)(Oneshot)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Why can't I get the proper amount of sleep for a healthy, twenty-year old girl instead of focusing my attention on boys who argue and want to kill each other while being helplessly in love with one another?  
> Sighs.

"Well, Eric, I just really don't understand why you feel the need to come in here on a daily basis. I mean, how many times have you stopped by here? Three times this week?"

Between sitting in a chair that was bound to break off on its hinges, and listening to Mr. Garrison go on and on about how "kids of this generation need to take care of themselves for the good of the country," Cartman was sure that this, in reality, was hell on Earth. He was practically biting the edge of the pencil of keep himself from shouting out anymore profanities that would keep in him longer, but knowing him, he had to try _damn_ hard to keep that from happening.

"...are you even listening to a word I'm saying?" Mr. Garrison shifted his weight from the desk he was leaning against, watching as the seventeen year old boy sighed from his seat.

"Yes, Mr. Garrison. I'm _completely_ aware of how my presence seems to suck the life out of your day. Honestly though, I thought you liked me spending time with an _amazing_ teacher such as yourself."

Cartman was completely aware of how much he was bullshitting himself, and from the look on his previous teacher's face, he figured that the man probably felt the same way.

"Cartman, it says here on the detention slip that you would rather press a guy or two against a locker and _physically assault_ them rather than just come over to my room to say hello. I could understand if you behaved this way ten years ago, but you're in your senior year of high school. It's about time that you..."

" _Think about the future and make life-altering decisions rather than screw your life over._ Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty sure we've gone through with this before." Cartman took his pencil and started jabbing at a piece of notebook paper that was on his desk. He was supposed to be writing sentences about why he was regretful for beating those guys to a bloody pulp, but he honestly could care less. Once a person goes to detention for a few times, it seems as thought the cheesy work you'd have to do just finds its way to the trash can.

Mr. Garrison shook the piece of paper in his hand as he walked up to Cartman's desk and leaned in close, his eyes flaring up like a serpent. The boy honestly didn't think his previous teacher could be so pissed off, but there he was, looking as though he might cuss out at any moment.

"Then why is it that you always manage to make me skip my lunch time so I can babysit you in the same damn room again and again? Do you want to infuriate me, do you _like_ making people angry, Cartman?"

Actually, that was the only thing that Cartman could say he enjoyed more than anything, but he figured he might as well keep his mouth shut. Saying anything against Mr. Garrison was like asking for a death sentence, and probably in the worst and most disgusting of ways...

A knocking on the door interrupted the teacher, and Mr. Garrison sighed before leaning back up.

"I swear to God, if it's another one of these wreckless turdheads..." He muttered, walking towards the door and opening it to find a familiar face. The boy who was outside was wearing an orange jacket and had red, curly hair. He also had a pair of evergreen eyes, two eyes that matched the color of the winter hat he wore, and he smiled lightly towards Mr. Garrison.

Cartman could see out from the corner of his eye to find that the boy who visited was none other than Kyle Broflovski.

 _Shit, not him._ Cartman thought to himself, trying to avoid the same nauseating butterflies and flips in his stomach.

"Oh, well...hey there Kyle." Mr. Garrison looked outside from left to right to make sure that there was nobody else with him. "What brings you down here?"

"The principal told me she wanted to see you, Mr. Garrison. She told me it was something personal that she wanted to discuss with you?" The boy tugged on his hap sheepishly, watching as a certain spark enveloped in the teacher's eyes.

"The teacher of the high school...? Well, I guess there's nothing I can do about it...but I can't keep Cartman here by himself -"

"Oh, that's okay Mr. Garrison, I'll stay here and make sure Cartman doesn't do anything stupid." Kyle immediately volunteered, sending a shiver of fright down the bigger boy's back. Whatever it was that the ginger was up to, it probably involved some form of torture that Cartman didn't want _anything_ to do with.

"Well...since you have always been a good boy in my class before, I guess that's alright...I won't be out for too long, so just make sure he does his worksheet and everything." Mr. Garrison said before he took his classroom keys and left for the other school. Kyle eventually walked inside and leaned against the closed door, watching as Cartman glared from the distance away.

"Well, well, well...if it isn't the Jew coming over here to make me get in even more trouble. Should've guessed someone like you would stir up shit, you fucking ginger." Cartman gritted his teeth when he saw the playful smirk that appeared on Kyle's face. It was as though his childish remarks didn't hit the other boy as hard as they used to.

"I wouldn't call it 'stirring up shit,' but I did bring you something, fatass." Kyle rummaged through his backpack, pulling out a burger that was wrapped in tin foil before throwing it onto Cartman's desk. The light that shined in Cartman's eyes was like a child receiving a big present on Christmas.

"Oh my fucking God, I was starving! Mr. Garrison sucks ass by not letting us bring lunches in here during detention." Cartman carnivorously tore the foil apart before biting into the cold and articifial meat that South Park had to offer. Oh well, at least it was better than nothing, and with a city such as theirs, who was he to expect anything else?

Kyle walked over to a nearby desk and set his stuff down, unzipping his jacket to reveal a plain white, long-sleeve shirt underneath. Cartman would never admit it out loud, but he always thought Kyle looked pretty good in long-sleeved shirts.

Not that he paid much attention to the way Kyle looked or anything.

"Wait a minute...what's the catch?" Cartman muttered, lifting his eyes suspiciously towards Kyle. "I bet you put some poison or other Jewish potions in this, didn't you...?"

" _Catch_? I have no idea what you're talking about." Kyle replied, watching as Cartman scoffed.

"No idea, bullshit. I know you normally do this kind of thing for me whenever you want your dumbass out of trouble, or whenever you need something from me."

Kyle bit his bottom lip before readjusting himself on the seat. His cheeks flushed red, although it was barely a tint of color, and he coughed into his palm.

"Well...I actually came here to talk to you about what happened earlier...in the hallway." Cartman almost choked on the part of burger he was chewing. He figured that Kyle would bring something like that up, the same very thing that got him in detention in the first place.

"Look, there were two guys that were feeling you up. You clearly didn't want anything to do with them, and before you could run your Jew ass away, they started hurting you and making you scream out. Luckily for you, I was walking around the hall to skip out on a class and I saw you there. There was nothing else to that, I just didn't want to be a witness to some other bullshit that goes on in this school," Cartman stated, taking another bite of the burger before Kyle glared towards him.

There was nothing scarier than a ginger that was angry, that much Cartman was already aware of. Not even Mr. Garrison could compare with an angered Kyle.

"You _really_ think you just beat the shit out of them because you were afraid you'd be a _witness_? That makes absolutely no sense, Cartman. Don't you fucking despise me? You'd love your chance to see me get assaulted, just admit it."

Cartman wanted nothing else but to laugh at Kyle for saying that. Sometimes the Jew didn't know how to make things better for either of them.

"That might be true, Kyle, I do hate you. I hate the way you fucking interfere in my life, and how think you know so much more than I do. You always act as though you can do things so much better than I can, and I fucking hate it." Kyle's face blushed even more after Cartman said this, but he listened as the brunette continued.

"But you want to know what I hate the most, Kyle? I hate it when other people think they can take my shit without my permission. Those faggots didn't think twice about if you were really into them or not, but they should have known better than to hurt you, because really, that's _my_ job."

Kyle's eyes widened as the bigger boy sighed and checked the clock. There was only a good solid ten more minutes until the lunch period would be over, so Mr. Garrison would be back soon, no doubt.

"...Cartman," Kyle muttered, breaking the silence. "You're not trying to say that you beat those guys up because...they were messing around with me?" If his face was red earlier, it was unbelievably scarlet now, the color consuming his entire face. Cartman wanted to joke about how it matched the color of his hair, but he thought it would be better not to say anything about it.

"Like I said, Jew, it's my job to make your life a living hell. I can't have other people do what I like doing most. Consider it an instinct of mine." The boy smirked, finished the burger in one last bite before rolling up the foil and attempting a free-throw into the trash-can. It missed by a long shot, only barely reaching it by a couple of inches.

"By the way, why did Mrs. Smith want to talk to Mr. Garrison?" Cartman asked, watching as Kyle turned his head, embarrassed.

"Actually, I lied to Mr. Garrison. I told him to talk to Mrs. Smith, so I could come here and talk to you..." Kyle put up a front as soon as he said that, though, turning back around towards Cartman and narrowing his eyebrows. "But don't think it was because I wanted to! I only did it to know what happened back there!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Jew." Cartman smiled lightly, placing his hands behind his head. Kyle walked over to where Cartman sat and plopped his stuff right next to him, sitting on the ground but not really minding.

"...Cartman, there's seven minutes left of class, you know." Kyle muttered, pulling his hat over his eyes and trying not to make eye contact. The other boy glanced down and smirked.

"Yeah? What, do you think Mr. Garrison is going to come by anytime soon?" Cartman pulled himself towards Kyle and whispered lightly, watching as the other boy flushed even deeper. It practically overwhelmed Cartman to see Kyle's face so vulnerable, as though he might break if they were any closer.

"Well, we could just wait and see?" Kyle finished for the both of them, pulling Cartman in and not saying another word.

Needless to say, sometimes spending time in detention really does pay off.


End file.
